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Starlet Richter is your typical transgender woman living in the good ol’ U.S of A. The country is in ruins after President Gibson enshrouds it in his wall, and seals it off from the outside world. After years of watching the place fall apart, she decides it’s time to do something about it. She’s going to help tear down that wall! Eric Tisdsale is Starlet’s long-lost love. He’s making a pretty mundane living as a pool shark, until one phone call changes everything. He’s asked to join the Invaders, a secret society led by a charismatic and flawlessly handsome dude named Dave. Their mission: destroy the forces in D.C. and take the country back. Both have their missions. Both are in danger. Will they save each other? Themselves? The country? How about when they discover the president is not actually human, and there may be more of his kind hiding among us? DAVE! is a science fiction comedy that features fast-paced action, pie-throwing clowns, nudists, and lots and lots of aliens. Equal parts Hitchhiker’s Guide and Coen Brothers, this series will have you laughing your way through the apocalypse.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So is the road to Washington D.C. The adventures of Starlet and Eric continue. The Topplers are toppling the giant wall surrounding the country. The Invaders are well on their way to Invading the White House, and thus saving the country, and humanity, from a malicious alien race. All goes well in the beginning, however, in the new world not everyone is who they seem. Will the Topplers topple? Will Eric and Carlton make it to D.C. alive? The answers are here.
Everything has come down to this. The Invaders have finally reached D.C. It’s time for Eric and crew to destroy Uncle Mel and thus the entire alien race, but it seems that he’s hidden away, and the city is being taken over by Mel clones. Starlet is held captive in a cave somewhere in Massachusetts. Can she break free and find Eric? And if so, can she reach him in time to help bring down the President? This has gone on long enough. It has to end. But how? Things are gonna get weird.
Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Fight Club! Come one, come all, and witness the freak show. It’s a tale of idiots. It’s a tale of life. A dumb cast of characters you have to see to believe. See how the actions of one can affect the lives of many in these Degrees of Separation. Meet a pyromaniac stripper and a faithless priest. Marvel at the woman having intercourse with lasagna. Sit back as you’re taken on a downward spiral through hell. Through beauty and nightmares, through comedy and tragedy. Where is this all headed? Is this The End? Strap in and enjoy the ride.
The junkie. The goth girl. The redneck. The nerd. The gangsta. The gay kid. The jock. The twins who can’t even tell themselves apart. A loveable cast of walking clichés, out for a week in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. What could possibly happen? Murder, that’s what! Who left that dead girl skewered on the porch, anyway? All are suspect, as the slayings become more and more ridiculous. Hell of a way to spend a vacation. Will they find out who the killer is in time to stop this madness, or will this mean the end for all?
For fans of Marc Richard who don’t have time to read a whole novel. The perfect bathroom reader. This is how he got his start. Includes dumb ramblings and poetry that will probably make you feel better about yourself. Witness an ice skater being eaten by sharks! Unwrap odd Christmas gifts! Find out who the familiar stranger is living next door! All this and more!!!
Doc is a psychologist struggling with mental illness. After eight years, his wife Elisa has finally reached her breaking point and they separate. Bryan is Doc’s new client. He comes into the office with a crippling caffeine addiction and a severe case of schizophrenia. Or maybe he’s just a weirdo. Doc really likes Bryan at first. Till he suspects Elisa may be sleeping with him. In the office, he tries to help him. Outside the office, however, is a whole other story. Revenge is on Doc’s mind. It starts off harmless at first, with childish pranks. Soon these high jinks turn into something more sinister. Will Doc and Elisa reconcile? Will Bryan survive? Will he at least switch to decaf?
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE MAINE CENTER FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN.
Archangels in the sky have one job: Making sure our souls get to new bodies. But sometimes they screw up. Ronnie Jones is an ambitious teenage boy about to ask his Helen to marry him, till an accident cuts his life short. Like that annoying joker someone forgot to take out of that deck of cards before shuffling, his soul ends up where it doesn’t belong; miles away. When he reawakens as Freddy, his spirit is on a mission. He must find the girl that has his heart. The good news: He finds her again! The bad news: It’s thirty years later, and she’s a baby. Seriously. He can’t catch a break.
Six out of Five is a sextuplet of the strangest tales you’ll ever witness. If you like captivating characters, odd settings, if plot twists intrigue you, if your friends tell you your sense of humor is “unconventional,” then you’ll love this brilliant collection of lunacy from Marc Richard. Download now and let the freak show begin. Includes the novels DEGREES OF SEPARATION, HARM’S WAY, THOSE EYES, IT’LL END IN TEARS, the short story collection SORRY, and part 1 of the new serial DAVE!
And in the beginning, God created man.
Adam is the first human being all alone in the Garden of Eden. He has everything he needs, but he sure is lonely.One morning he awakens to find his body flayed open. Could it be kidney thieves? No, God has stolen a rib to make him a companion. Why he couldn’t have just made Eve out of dirt like Adam was, is beyond him. Adam and Eve are living in relative peace in Paradise until trouble comes to the Garden in the form of a snake. He convinces Eve to eat the Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and she convinces Adam to do the same. This makes God very angry, and He banishes them to the desert to fend for themselves.
Why are they suddenly knowing things they shouldn’t? Why are twigs sprouting out from their body? How did their goat learn the words to all these Phil Collins songs?
Follow me, as we journey together through one man’s complete misunderstanding of the Book of Genesis.
Once upon a time, there were three bears…
Jimmy DiFrenzo is the head of the Figarazzi family, one of the toughest mob families around. He loves his gabagool, his gold chains, and his chest hair. He lives in a nice suburban home with his adoring wife and child. The perfect, yet hackneyed, life of a Sicilian American. But he has secrets.
Blondie is a spoiled little rich girl who always gets her way. When her life becomes tedious, she begins a life of breaking into random homes. She never steals anything; she’s in it for the excitement. All is going swimmingly, till she finds herself the wrong house.
“Someone’s been using my hair gel!”
“Someone’s been eating my gabagool!”
“Someone’s been sleeping on my couch! And there she is!”
Just who is this blond bitch that has broken into Jimmy’s home? Did she really pick the wrong house, or does she have a plan? Perhaps she has secrets, too.
Come witness this remix of an age-old classic. This ain’t your grandma’s fairy tale
What makes those cookies so gosh-darned yummy?
“You need to get a job,” Father said to his children. “You’re in your mid twenties. Time to get out my house.” And so they did.
Hansel and Gretel are two long-haul truckers, a brother and sister team, whose work order is simple: Deliver a truckload of cookies across country to an old witch in the forest. They accept the job, despite the rumors that those who deliver cookies sometimes don’t make it back. When they stop to pick up their load, they notice something isn’t right. Pastries shouldn’t be bleeding and screaming and trying to escape their boxes.
Years ago, a rather ugly child lived in an orphanage. She was picked on mercilessly until one by one the orphans went missing. Now an old witch with a cookie addiction, she sits alone in her mansion made of sweets, waiting for her delivery of baked goods with the one special ingredient in them.
Will Hansel and Gretel make their delivery on time? Will they make it out alive? Will Hansel finally admit that Gretel is the better driver?
Indulge your appetite and feast your eyes on this new twist on an age-old tale.
Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Snow White.
Okay, it wasn’t long ago, it was just a few minutes ago. And it wasn’t far away, it was the Bad Apple Miniature Golf Course/ Action Fun Park in New Jersey.
Come join your favorite characters: Snow White, the Queen, the Pepperoni Prince, and of course, the dwarfs- Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug. All the things you remember from your happiest childhood story, like talking mirrors, poison apples, magic bungee cords, zombies, and flatulence. Guaranteed to bring on that old nostalgic feeling.
Trapped. In the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe.
“A real mustn’t read.” -Every Critic Ever
Ever wanted to be in a story?
Our hero has.
And now here he is.
And it sucks.
How did he get here?
What did he do to deserve this?
Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?
Why is everyone he meets so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?
E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.
F is for Frank
…Somewhere between DARK COMEDY and BIZARRO, between DOUGLAS ADAMS and CARLTON MELLICK III, between CHUCK PALAHNIUK and KEVIN L. DONIHE, between LLOYD KAUFMAN and ANDY KAUFMAN, between DAVID WONG and DAVID WONG, there’s MARC RICHARD. A writer who doesn’t mind exploiting his mental illness for fun and profit, he has been accused of putting his readers through an emotional rollercoaster; often having them laughing and crying at the same time.
Marc Richard was born in a picturesque, yet at the same time crappy, town called “Rumford”. The name alone says it all, doesn’t it? “Rumford.” It was a Maine mill town, and there wasn’t much to do but drink, get pregnant, and tip over cows. Marc did none of these. He was much too busy writing stories. He decided to write horror tales, but failed miserably. He read these stories to his cousins in his grandmother’s attic, and they seemed to get a kick out of them, but they were much younger than he was, and in his opinion, the tales stunk. Much like the mill town they lived in.
After graduation he decided that he would go to college and major in medicine. He never got the hang of chemistry and physics, however, and he soon realized that if he were a dying patient, he would not want to be treated by someone with a C average.
He briefly moved to Wisconsin, where he was soon arrested for consuming way too much cheese.
Marc moved back to Maine and continued his education at the University of Southern Maine, where he studied psychology. He grew himself a fly mustache and got near enough to a 4.0 average that he felt comfortable diagnosing himself at that point. He found he had acute Borderline Personality Disorder. Acute Borderline Personality Disorder, he found out, was any personality disorder that was less than ninety degrees.
Of course, he was happiest when he shaved off his mustache and instead grew a full goatee. He is now living in Portland, Maine with his goatee, his fiancée Jill, and his dog Mia. He is not afraid of the oxford comma.