And President Mel Gibson?
America is in trouble, dudes.
The country is in ruins after the president walls it up, sealing it like a giant prison. The rich get richer and the poor starve to death in the streets. Enter the Invaders, a secret society led by a charismatic and flawlessly handsome dude named Dave. Their mission: Destroy the forces in D.C. and take back the U.S.A.!
Starlet Richter is your typical transgender American woman. After years of watching the place fall apart, she’s gonna do something about it. Eric Tisdsale is Starlet’s long-lost love. He’s making a pretty mundane living as a pool shark, until one phone call changes everything.
Will they save each other? Themselves? The world? How about when they discover the president is not actually human, and there may be more of his kind hiding among us?
“The worst thing you’ll read all year!” raves the general population.
“Fake News!” cries D.T.
DAVE! is a science fiction comedy that features fast-paced action, pie-throwing clowns, nudists, and lots and lots of aliens. Equal parts Hitchhiker’s Guide and Coen Brothers, download now and laugh your way through the apocalypse!
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So is the road to Washington D.C. The adventures of Starlet and Eric continue. The Topplers are toppling the giant wall surrounding the country. The Invaders are well on their way to Invading the White House, and thus saving the country, and humanity, from a malicious alien race. All goes well in the beginning, however, in the new world not everyone is who they seem. Will the Topplers topple? Will Eric and Carlton make it to D.C. alive? The answers are here.
Everything has come down to this. The Invaders have finally reached D.C. It’s time for Eric and crew to destroy Uncle Mel and thus the entire alien race, but it seems that he’s hidden away, and the city is being taken over by Mel clones. Starlet is held captive in a cave somewhere in Massachusetts. Can she break free and find Eric? And if so, can she reach him in time to help bring down the President? This has gone on long enough. It has to end. But how? Things are gonna get weird.
This book will steal your soul.
“This made my brain hurt.” -Anonymous Litigant
Mystical. Weird. Hilarious. A dumb cast of characters you have to see to believe.
The lazy Uncle who fuses with his favorite chair.
The computer virus that takes on a life of its own.
The surgeon on an acid trip.
What do these people have in common? About as much as you have with Kevin Bacon.
Witness how the actions of one can affect the lives of many in these Degrees of Separation.
Get ready for a downward spiral through hell.
Through beauty and nightmares, through comedy and tragedy.
A novel? Yes.
A short story collection? Yes.
Call it what you will, but I can promise you that it is made of 100% readable words.
Degrees of Separation was originally penned by a squadron of Black Sabbath fans at a Steely Dan show. The pages that weren’t used for rolling special cigarettes were retrieved from the floor of the concert hall, and then (barely) translated into this book here.
Step right up, strap in, and enjoy the ride!
A pack of teens. A cabin in the woods. And a killer with a love for slapstick.
“A dark, comic ode to those great 80’s horror movies that lowered the bar while at the same time raising it”-Nick Perry
An unlikeable cast of teenage clichés, out for a week in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. What could possibly go wrong?
Murder, that’s what!
Hey, who left that dead girl skewered on the porch?
All are suspect, as the slayings become more creative. And more ridiculous.
Hell of a way to spend a vacation.
Will they find out who the killer is in time to stop this madness, or will this mean the end for all?
Harm’s Way is a horror comedy originally penned by Sam Raimi’s twin brother, Aaron Elvis Raimi, who died at birth.
It reeks of classics like Evil Dead, Silent Night Deadly Night and Student Bodies.
Can a psychopath really fit in an outhouse hole?
Can you re-capitate someone with a welder’s torch?
Will everyone really see your dirty pillows?
The answers to those age-old questions are here.
For an extra bit of fun, the text contains a code that reveals the killer!
Maybe you can figure it out before these dummies.
Download now for a bloody pie in the face.
For fans of Marc Richard who don’t have time to read a whole novel. The perfect bathroom reader. This is how he got his start. Includes dumb ramblings and poetry that will probably make you feel better about yourself. Witness an ice skater being eaten by sharks! Unwrap odd Christmas gifts! Find out who the familiar stranger is living next door! All this and more!!!
A therapist on the brink of divorce. An idiot patient. A bucketful of crazy.
Doc is a psychologist struggling with mental illness. After eight years, his wife Elisa has finally reached her breaking point and they separate.
Bryan is Doc’s new client. He comes into the office with a crippling caffeine addiction and a severe case of schizophrenia. Or maybe he’s just a weirdo.
Doc really likes Bryan at first. Till he suspects Elisa may be sleeping with him. In the office, he tries to help him. Outside the office, however, is a whole other story. Revenge is on Doc’s mind. It starts off harmless at first, with childish pranks. Soon these high jinks turn into something more sinister.
Will Doc and Elisa reconcile? Will Bryan survive? Will he at least switch to decaf?
It’ll End in Tears is a novel written by a group of Italian teenagers on an eye-opening Segway tour through Amsterdam’s Red Light District. Part memoir. Part fiction. You ain’t never read nothing like it.
Buy now and enter Marc Richard’s mad world. It’s a trip.
The memoir portion focuses on the author’s struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. To learn more about BPD visit
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE MAINE CENTER FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN.
Archangels in the sky have one job: Making sure our souls get to new bodies. But sometimes they screw up. Ronnie Jones is an ambitious teenage boy about to ask his Helen to marry him, till an accident cuts his life short. Like that annoying joker someone forgot to take out of that deck of cards before shuffling, his soul ends up where it doesn’t belong; miles away. When he reawakens as Freddy, his spirit is on a mission. He must find the girl that has his heart. The good news: He finds her again! The bad news: It’s thirty years later, and she’s a baby. Seriously. He can’t catch a break.
Six out of Five is a sextuplet of the strangest tales you’ll ever witness. If you like captivating characters, odd settings, if plot twists intrigue you, if your friends tell you your sense of humor is “unconventional,” then you’ll love this brilliant collection of lunacy from Marc Richard. Download now and let the freak show begin. Includes the novels DEGREES OF SEPARATION, HARM’S WAY, THOSE EYES, IT’LL END IN TEARS, the short story collection SORRY, and part 1 of the new serial DAVE!
The Forbidden Fruit.
Come on. Bite it. You know you want to.
The snake says it’s okay.
Eve says it’s okay.
You’re curious, aren’t you, Adam?
You bit it, didn’t you?
It’s all right; we all make mistakes. Paradise wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, anyway. From now on, you’ll have to make your own way. Just you and Eve and your trusty talking goat sidekick, Phil Collins.
The book of Genesis. How bad could it be? Take a bite and find out for yourself.
This ain’t your grandma’s fairy tale.
Jimmy DiFrenzo is the head of the Figarazzi family, one of the toughest mob families around. He loves his gabagool, his gold chains, and his chest hair. He lives in a nice suburban home with his adoring wife and child. The perfect, yet stereotypical, life of a Sicilian American. But he has secrets.
Blondie is a spoiled little rich girl who always gets her way. When her life becomes tedious, she begins a life of breaking into random homes. She never steals anything; she’s in it for the excitement. All is going great, till she finds herself the wrong house.
“Someone’s been using my hair gel!”
“Someone’s been eating my gabagool!”
“Someone’s been sleeping on my couch! And there she is!”
Just who is this blond bitch that has broken into Jimmy’s home? Did she really pick the wrong house, or does she have a plan? Perhaps she has secrets, too.
Come witness this oh-so-wrong retelling of an old classic. Get it now.
Note: These books do not need to be read in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!
They’re the cookies that bite back!
OK, Gretel, Dad says we need to move out and get a job.
Don’t look at me that way.
Hey, we can do it together. It’ll be fun.
Yes. I know we have no skills.
Well, you know how all those long-haul cookie delivery drivers left on their routes and never came back?
It’s perfect. Guaranteed employment. People need their sweets.
What? Danger? Nah, we’ll be fine.
Hansel and Gretel are two long-haul truckers, a brother and sister team, whose work order is simple: Deliver a truckload of cookies cross-country to an old witch in the forest.
They stop to pick up their load and notice something isn’t right. Pastries shouldn’t be bleeding and screaming and trying to escape their boxes.
Once upon a time, in an orphanage, lived a rather ugly child. Picked on mercilessly by her peers until one by one the orphans went missing. Now an old witch with a cookie addiction, she sits alone in her mansion made of sweets, waiting for her delivery of baked goods with the one special ingredient in them.
Will Hansel and Gretel make their delivery on time? Will they make it out alive? Will Hansel finally admit that Gretel is the better driver?
Indulge your appetite and feast your eyes on this new twist on an age-old tale.
Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Snow White.
Okay, it wasn’t long ago, it was just a few minutes ago. And it wasn’t far away, it was the Bad Apple Miniature Golf Course/ Action Fun Park in New Jersey.
Come join your favorite characters: Snow White, the Queen, the Pepperoni Prince, and of course, the dwarfs- Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug. All the things you remember from your happiest childhood story, like talking mirrors, poison apples, magic bungee cords, zombies, and flatulence. Guaranteed to bring on that old nostalgic feeling.
Trapped. In the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe.
“A real mustn’t read.” -Every Critic Ever
Ever wanted to be in a story?
Our hero has.
And now here he is.
And it sucks.
How did he get here?
What did he do to deserve this?
Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?
Why is everyone he meets so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?
E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.
Franks Wurst: The Food of the Future!
Try One Today!
Many years have passed since Victor Frankenstein built his monster. The population has grown out of control. The food supply is getting low.
Designer children. Parents surrender their children from birth so that new ones can be made from the best of the parts.
Well, most of them.
Some children grow up Normal. The N-Word. Lower class. Unable to land jobs. Mistakenly killed by cops over and over again.
Franks franchises are popping up like weeds. With only one thing on the menu, hot dogs. The low-cost way to feed billions. And people love them.
But when meat becomes scarce, a new item appears on the menu: Franks Wurst. Its not long before that’s all anyone eats.
One night, Mr. Simonson, the Chairman of Franks, gets a crowbar to the skull.
He knew the Secret Recipe that not even he was supposed to know.
And the more time marches on, the weirder things are getting. And nobody’s questioning it.
Except for one: A Normal named Maria Shelton who finds the whole thing disturbing. The world’s addiction to Franks Wurst, the murder, and now Normals are disappearing by the hundreds. She’ll figure out just what the hell is going on. Even if it’s the last thing she does.
And the more she digs, the deeper the conspiracy runs. It just may be the last thing she does.
Oh, Maria, what have you gotten yourself into?
It’s Frankenstein meets Soylent Green. Mary Shelley meets Charlton Heston. A crazy tale that you’d come to expect only from this author.
By the way, he can’t tell you what Franks Wurst is made of, but what he can say is it is not not people.
I smell the blood of a…!
Well, you all know the story.
Jack is a poor farm boy living with his mother.
Having to milk cows to keep the bill collectors at bay.
Till one day a man comes by and gives him an enhancement pill that makes him sprout a giant boner
Which he climbs all the way up to Giant Land.
I mean, sure, we all know that part.
But from there, things take a twist.
From the weirdest author you know
Comes a surprisingly heartwarming tale.
One of love, family, and big old boners.
The author would like it to be known that he realizes he has no business making memes.
Up till a year ago, he couldn’t even pronounce the word.
It’s forgivable if someone pronounces “gif” with a hard “G”.
It is not forgivable if someone pronounces “meme” as “meh-may”,
The way one would say “grandmother” in Quebec.
The author would like to apologize to the “meme-purists” of the world.
He is an old guy with Photoshop and too much free time on his hands.
These memes are not seeking to compete with the award-winning works of cyber-art we all know and love.
These are a mockery.
The author would like to explain that this is a book of memes, and has nothing to do with underpants.
If you are looking for a book on underpants, and have purchased this book by mistake, he offers his sincerest apologies.
There are many fine books on underpants out there.
This is not one of them.
…Somewhere between DARK COMEDY and BIZARRO, between DOUGLAS ADAMS and CARLTON MELLICK III, between CHUCK PALAHNIUK and KEVIN L. DONIHE, between LLOYD KAUFMAN and ANDY KAUFMAN, between DAVID WONG and DAVID WONG, there’s MARC RICHARD. A writer who doesn’t mind exploiting his mental illness for fun and profit, he has been accused of putting his readers through an emotional rollercoaster; often having them laughing and crying at the same time.
Marc Richard was born in a picturesque, yet at the same time crappy, town called “Rumford”. The name alone says it all, doesn’t it? “Rumford.” It was a Maine mill town, and there wasn’t much to do but drink, get pregnant, and tip over cows. Marc did none of these. He was much too busy writing stories. He decided to write horror tales, but failed miserably. He read these stories to his cousins in his grandmother’s attic, and they seemed to get a kick out of them, but they were much younger than he was, and in his opinion, the tales stunk. Much like the mill town they lived in.
After graduation he decided that he would go to college and major in medicine. He never got the hang of chemistry and physics, however, and he soon realized that if he were a dying patient, he would not want to be treated by someone with a C average.
He briefly moved to Wisconsin, where he was soon arrested for consuming way too much cheese.
Marc moved back to Maine and continued his education at the University of Southern Maine, where he studied psychology. He grew himself a fly mustache and got near enough to a 4.0 average that he felt comfortable diagnosing himself at that point. He found he had acute Borderline Personality Disorder. Acute Borderline Personality Disorder, he found out, was any personality disorder that was less than ninety degrees.
Of course, he was happiest when he shaved off his mustache and instead grew a full goatee. He is now living in Portland, Maine with his goatee and his wife Jill. He is not afraid of the oxford comma.